is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
