I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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