What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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