help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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