I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
