How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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