It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
