Plan B is the new Plan A
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
