I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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