Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
