the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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