Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
