why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
