i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize