I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
