please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm at about main and main street
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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