She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
