I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
