yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
