You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize