his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
