Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
