hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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