well you can't waste a boner
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
