I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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