We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
