After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
