Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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