In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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