i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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