absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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