im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
