I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
