I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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