I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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