we have pet lesbian snakes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
