woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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