Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
