the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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