I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
