I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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