Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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