You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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