theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
