You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
