you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
