ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
