She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I would fuck him just for his dog
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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