I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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