last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
cat food counts as protein by the way
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
