Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
