why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
