WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
