i can't believe i had my finger in that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
