i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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