We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
