Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
