i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
