Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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