haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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