cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
