woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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