Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
