First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
