omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
