Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
