You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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