Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
