Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I died a long time ago.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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