When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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