I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
