You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
