I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
this hospital has no fireball
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
