Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
