Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
