I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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