My brain says no but my pants say off.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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