Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
