i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
