Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
